"Coming from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad. We have been where no one else is, been awake when the entire world is sleeping. Its a world we feel that only we've seen.."
Driving alone at night, waking up at 3 am, sitting alone on the beach, walking a bit away from the group during a trek.. Moments of silence, of peace, of aloneness. I wont say loneliness. Aloneness. And when you come back, come back to your parents, come back to your spouse or boyfriend, come back to your friends, you aren't the same person anymore. It might last for a split second or for a week or two, but that change is hard to miss. Do we go a little mad? Do we become a bit isolated? Do we purposely isolate ourselves from the people we know, people we idolize, people we care about, people we hate? It's like a sudden awakening. Like saying a word over and over again till it loses its meaning. Something changes, irrevocably.
I feel, we don't go mad. I would say, that is the real awakening. From real meditation comes real awakening. Just being by yourself for an hour. In an isolated place. Where you know no one is watching you, waiting for your return. Just you and the world. You'll question so many of your own perceptions. You will see that they are built on other people's judgements. Its like facing a mirror. Do you dare to face the mirror? Most of us cant, we're too scared that it will reflect something other than our perception of the world. Like I said in a previous post, it is better to remain sleeping for most people. Not wake up, not see themselves for who they are. Life is easier this way and I don't begrudge them. However, I would say that is like spending life in a coma. You are blissfully unaware. Wake up, live. It hurts, it sucks, but if you succeed, it is the most amazing narcisstic pleasure you can give yourself. And if not, well who cares? You've just got 1 life..